The other day, someone shared with me a situation they experienced at work, in a small take-away restaurant. While serving, a couple approached the counter. The woman made a simple order, but the man accompanying her started speaking to her in a very disrespectful manner, saying she wouldn’t eat all that and ordering the worker to serve less food in a smaller container, in quite an aggressive tone.
Later, when ordering some fries, the woman said she wanted some, but the man immediately contradicted her, even denying her own choice. The contempt was so obvious that anyone could see it. The person who told me the story instantly recognized the pattern: it was a narcissist.
Although trying to stay calm, they couldn’t help but call out the disrespect. The man reacted even more violently, making personal threats. Although they weren’t affected by the provocations, what was most infuriating was the humiliation towards the woman and the toxic atmosphere he was creating.
Later, in a small office at the place, the man continued trying to intimidate but eventually left. The situation left a colleague, who had witnessed everything, crying and deeply shaken.
The reflection was clear: narcissists exist, they are closer than we think, and they seek to manipulate, control, and dominate others. That’s why it’s so important to recognize them, not excuse their behavior, and set firm boundaries without fear.
It’s not about playing their game or fighting with them; it’s about setting the boundary they don’t expect. And above all, protecting those who might fall victim to their silent abuse.
Something that the person who shared the story learned early on, from growing up around narcissistic personalities, is that we cannot stay silent in front of them. Narcissists don’t just seek attention; they seek control, humiliation, and submission. Their goal is to make good people doubt themselves, submit, or even end up defending them.
Therefore, it’s vital to recognize them.
How do narcissists behave?
- They despise those they see as “weak.”
- They manipulate words and situations to play the victim.
- They try to control everything and everyone around them.
- They feel superior and believe they have the right to humiliate others.
- When confronted, they attack aggressively or passive-aggressively.
How to defend yourself against them?
- Don’t engage emotionally: don’t justify their behavior or over-rationalize it.
- Set clear and firm boundaries without falling into provocation.
- Maintain your dignity: don’t lower your gaze, don’t diminish yourself.
- Protect yourself emotionally: remember their attacks say more about them than about you.
- And if necessary, walk away. You don’t have to tolerate anyone’s abuse.
Narcissists are closer to us than we often think. They may not always be obvious at first, but if you learn to recognize the patterns, you can protect yourself and others.
Always remember, your worth doesn’t depend on how others treat you. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you free.